


All the Times Obi-wan Has Heard "I Love You"

by theactualbagel (send_nudes)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: ..........ok maybe that was a lie, ??? is that a tag people use??????, F/M, I tried to keep it romantically ambiguous so u can interpret anything as romantic or platonic, M/M, Minor Character Death, i mean this is a story about obi-wan how is there not going to be some character death, i ship obi wan with fucking EVERYONE buckle your seatbelts, i'm sorry guys this is a lot sadder than i originally intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 17:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8809597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/send_nudes/pseuds/theactualbagel
Summary: Alternatively titled "Four times Obi-wan has heard people say they love him and one time he's said it himself"***Obi-wan may be a Jedi, but he's heard I love you more than a few times.





	1. Qui-Gon Jinn

**Author's Note:**

> ok i've never really done a multi-chapter work like this before so idk if it's gonna be any good! but i really fell in love with this idea and i think it turned out okay so i mean? here you go

Chapter 1: From Qui-Gon Jinn

***

Obi-wan heard it first from Qui-Gon.

Needless to say, it took him by surprise. Qui-Gon had only said it in passing, but the weight of five simple words meant the galaxy to him.

Obi-wan was leaning against one of the many tall pillars littering the temple. His arms were crossed over his chest, mouth twisted into an almost-scowl.

Qui-Gon left the council room with the bridge of his nose pinched between his forefinger and thumb. The meeting hadn’t gone well.

“No progress on letting you train the boy?” Obi-wan asked, though he already knew the answer.

“Try not to sound so pleased,” Qui-Gon said with more than a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Me?” Obi-wan feigned surprise, dramatically bringing a hand to his chest, “I’m just as disappointed as you! If he is the Chosen One like you think he is-”

_“He is_ , Obi-wan.”

“Then it’s simply a tragedy that you’re forbidden from training him. Guess you’ll have to stick to the boring padawan you already have,” Obi-wan knew he sounded petty. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t find the ability to conceal his anger.

Qui-Gon took a step closer to Obi-wan. He put a firm hand on his shoulder, blue eyes sparkling.

“I said you were ready for the Trials because I know you are,” he said.

_Bantha fodder_ , Obi-wan thought. If Qui-Gon truly felt that way, they would’ve talked it beforehand. The Trials had scarcely been mentioned between them, let alone discussed. Qui-Gon just wanted to get rid of him in favor of the little boy. He could feel it. There was an uncomfortable silence as Obi-wan turned away from Qui-Gon, gaze falling on the marble floor instead of his master’s eyes.

Qui-Gon gently squeezed Obi-wan’s shoulder. “You know I love you, right?”

Obi-wan’s eyes widened. Surely he hadn’t heard that right.

“I only want what’s best for you, Obi-wan.” Qui-Gon took a step away. He turned to leave, speaking over his shoulder. “Please, don’t forget that.”

Obi-wan stood dumbfounded. All the air had been knocked out of him.

_You know I love you._

As hard as he tried, Obi-wan couldn’t bring himself to respond. The words echoed in his mind. Qui-Gon loved him. No one had ever loved him before. It certainly did not seem like something any respectable jedi would say. Yet, Qui-Gon seemed so unashamed.

He never complained to Qui-Gon again.

***

When he held Qui-Gon’s dying body on Naboo, he felt guilty for the conversation.

Qui-Gon had said Obi-wan was ready for the Trials, but in that moment, Obi-wan knew he was lying. He had much to learn from Qui-Gon about what it meant to love, because he couldn’t possibly be doing this right.

It hurt. He felt everything all at once. But most of all, he felt heartbroken that the only jedi that he’d known dare to love- and had loved _him_ , at that- was dead.


	2. Quinlan Vos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second time he heard it, things were different.

Chapter 2: From Quinlan Vos

The second time he heard it from Quinlan Vos.

It wasn’t nearly as shocking as when Qui-Gon had said it. In fact, the opposite was true. He despised Quinlan for echoing his once beloved master.

Quinlan and Obi-wan were assigned the same mission; hunt down Ziro the Hutt. Unfortunately, as these things tend to go, that hadn’t been a complete success.

Regardless,the mission was over, and the two jedi celebrated with a round a local cantina on Nal Hutta. Or, in Quinlan’s case, many rounds.

Obi-wan began to suspect that Quinlan had too much to drink when his words slurred together. In time, his movements became progressively more sloppy and his atmosphere was awfully unbecoming of a jedi.

“Another!” He chimed, raising a hand that held a now-empty glass. The bartender droid hesitated to respond.

Obi-wan grabbed Quinlan’s wrist. He dropped the glass in surprise and it shattered on the ground.

“You’ve had enough,” Obi-wan hissed. His patience was wearing thin. Quinlan had spent the entire mission putting both of their lives in danger and Obi-wan was ready to draw the line. This time, he had gone too far. Jedi do not get drunk. They do not make fools of themselves in the open.

As soon as he said it, he expected Quinlan to get angry. Perhaps he would draw his saber. Quinlan had a short fuse. Surely he’d get mad.

Obi-wan couldn’t have been more wrong.

A jocular smile wormed its way onto Quinlan’s face. Obi-wan winced as he slung an arm around his shoulder.

Throwing his head back, Quinlan laughed so loud that Obi-wan swore that the handful of people occupying the bar froze.

“I love this guy!” Quinlan affirmed to the cantina, now mostly silent and listening.

Obi-wan wasn’t sure if his face burned red with embarrassment or anger and he wasn’t sure which was worse. How _dare_ he say something in jest that meant so much? His hands balled into white-knuckled fists.

He hadn’t heard that phrase since Qui-Gon said it to him. And Qui-Gon truly meant it, rather than abusing the words in a drunken stupor.

The bartender poured another drink for Quinlan. He winked at Obi-wan who scarcely managed to keep himself from retching in response.

“I have to go,” Obi-wan said, voice barely above a whisper. When Quinlan went back to drinking, he slipped out of the bar unnoticed.

***

This is why attachments are forbidden, Obi-wan later reasoned with himself while meditating Quinlan’s turn to the dark side.

Their encounter at the cantina haunted him.

Quinlan was joking, Obi-wan knew, but that didn’t keep him from wondering.

He could’ve kept Quinlan in the jedi order. Ever since they were younglings, he was the closest thing Quinlan had to a friend. Maybe if he hadn’t walked away on Nal Hutta, things would be different. Maybe if he had been a better friend…

Maybe if he’d just been able to control his emotions instead of running away.

He took a deep breath, trying in vain to focus on his meditation. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find it in him to relax.

Instead, he thought about how there was no way he was loving correctly.

It hurt far too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really?? know much about quinlan vos??? so im sorry if i fucked up any character development... i tried okay


	3. Duchess Satine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third and fourth time were from the same person.

Chapter 3: From Duchess Satine

The third and fourth time he’d heard it from Satine.

He was amazed at how open someone could be with their emotions while simultaneously not telling anyone anything at all.

Duchess Satine was an enigma.

To say Obi-wan was infatuated with her was an understatement. Everything about her was mysterious; yet she was an open book. He couldn’t understand her no matter how hard he tried and oh, Force, did he try.

“I stand by my neutrality,” Satine’s gaze was steady and unwavering, chin raised in defiance.

An enigma indeed. He silently thanked the council it was him they chose to discuss with Satine and not someone else.

“Duchess,” Obi-wan politely interjected, fully aware that it was not his primary place to argue at a political meeting, no matter how private, “I do believe you’re making a mistake.”

Satine’s eyes shone. She was clearly well-versed on this topic. “My dear Obi, violence may be how things are done in the jedi temple, but Mandalore is willing to make sacrifices for peace.”

Obi-wan felt his face redden at the nickname.

“The jedi order only wants what’s best for you,” Obi-wan paused and considered his words carefully. “I only want what’s best for you. I implore you to change your mind.”

Satine inhaled. She looked around the throne room and gave the guards a dismissive wave of her hand. They hastily left, leaving Obi-wan alone with Satine.

She rose from her throne. The sound of her heels echoed the chamber as she approached Obi-wan.

Her walk was incredibly graceful.

Obi-wan’s heart was pounding. She stood a breath away from him with a petulant grin on her face. A dainty hand reached for his and he let her take it.

“Obi, I love you, but you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Obi-wan couldn’t find the words to respond. He tried to examine her expression but couldn’t find anything. There was neither a trace of tease nor earnest in her eyes and her mind was too strong to be read at the moment.

She said she _loved_ him and he had no idea what that was supposed to mean anymore.

“I will not change my mind,” Satine gave Obi-wan’s hand a squeeze. “And I would appreciate it if you did _not_ ask again. You’re dismissed.”

“Satine-” Obi-wan flustered, “Er, Duchess, please, I beg you to listen-”

“You are _dismissed_ , Obi-wan Kenobi.”

She was an enigma.

***

Things became clear the second time Satine said it, but by then it was too late.

Life was quickly draining from her eyes. Her normally mysterious expression was replaced with pain and it shattered Obi-wan.

Her gentle hand caressed his face. Tears burned in his eyes.

“Remember, my dear Obi-wan,” Her voice was weak; barely above a whisper, “I’ve loved you always. I always will.”

He wanted to say it back. He wanted nothing more than to say it back. Words caught in his throat as his mind was overwhelmed with his past experiences with love. He’s felt this pain before.

Just when he made up his mind, Satine’s beautiful face fell still as she went completely limp in his arms.

He was too late. Satine loved him. She always had loved him and she always will love him. And she’ll never know he felt the same way.

The pain didn’t get any easier.


	4. Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fifth time he'd said it himself.

Chapter 4: From himself

The fifth time he’d heard it from his own mouth.

He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Not this time.

Obi-wan was too tired. Too tired of loving and losing. Too tired of failing the ones he cares for. He was just _tired._

His vision was blurred by the incessant tears streaming down his face. Nonetheless, he could see Anakin’s pitiful body in front of him clear as day.

He was mutilated and burning. Obi-wan's chest hurt knowing that he was responsible for doing this to him. He'd _failed_ him.

Anakin’s eyes were a piercing yellow. His only remaining arm was outstretched towards Obi-wan, grasping for something- anything- to end the pain.

Obi-wan knew that this was all because of him. He was his master and he had failed Anakin just like he’d failed Qui-gon, Quinlan, and Satine. 

Just like he’d failed everyone he loved.

Throughout everything Obi-wan endured, Anakin had been there. Ever since Qui-gon’s death, Anakin had been there. He’d never even considered that Anakin needed the same comfort. And now he was dying, and it was his fault.

 _It was his fault_. His heart was torn in two. Everything ached. Obi-wan no longer cared about what was or was not the jedi way. He only cared about Anakin. In that moment, he realized exactly what it meant to love.

“You were my brother, Anakin,” Obi-wan yelled, voice anguished and harsh, “I _loved_ you.”

And he meant it.

And it didn’t get any easier.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading you guys! i know this was a little sad and kind of a long read but i hope it was worth it in the end???? 
> 
> comments are appreciated!! dont be scared lmao ;0
> 
> if you want to keep up with me and my latest fics follow me on tumblr at spxcetwinks <333


End file.
